By Jennifer Eivaz.
Several years ago, I watched a gripping spy thriller starring Gina Davis titled The Long Kiss Goodnight. The plot is centered around a sassy and popular elementary school teacher in a small town, along with her eight-year-old daughter and boyfriend the main character had been found washed ashore on a New Jersey beach, being two months pregnant and fully amnesiac. Having never remembered her real name, “Samantha” hired several ineffective private investigators over eight years to try to discover her past. During the Christmas holidays, she is involved in a tragic car accident and hospitalized with a concussion. Then she begins to reconnect with her true self, a much more dangerous woman named Charly who informs her in a dream that she is coming back. Coming back meant Charly would be taking over her personality once again. As the movie unfolds, Charly is revealed to be a top assassin for the CIA, which is a far cry from her previously adopted small-town persona. The movie depicts her breaking free from her amnesia and returning to her true self. As expected, she goes after the bad guys with several violent and bloody fight scenes and plenty of explosives.
I watched this movie just once and felt strangely haunted by it, only I did not know why. I had thought to watch it again several times over years but never did. With that, I would describe what finally became uncovered in my life as a feeling of being in some kind of movie. It was so unreal, yet it was truly happening to me. Through a series of events, I finally came face-to-face with my severe amnesia. It was not quite like this movie, and in all humor, I am not a CIA assassin. I do know my name, I know where I grew up, and I can recall enough facts from my early years to put together a story of who I thought I was. Still, there were large gaps of time in my growing-up years. I could not remember what took place no matter how hard I tried. I thought this was normal and never questioned why I could not call to mind certain years of my life.
Just like “Samantha” in the movie, at age forty-seven I had a missing piece of myself reemerge suddenly with an unbelievable story to tell. My traumatic amnesia had finally broken open to reveal its hidden contents. It was a horrific story that served to shake my identity so badly that I wanted to quit life completely. I had desperately hoped this was some kind of mental breakdown characterized by psychotic delusion. That would have been much easier to accept. This missing part of me, just like Charly in the movie, came out of my subconscious depths and gave voice to what happened during those missing years. Finally, I was facing the hellish memories I had made myself forget to survive the ridiculous.
Inner healing and deliverance ministry have always been an integral part of my personal growth as well as an effectual expression of Christ’s ministry in and through my life. In reality, there has never been a time when I did not experience spiritual and emotional challenges for a variety of reasons. Every time something surfaced in my life that needed inner healing or deliverance, I was diligent in pursuing healing and working through my issues as best as I knew how. The problem is when your life keeps reflecting negative cycles and patterns (e.g., chronic sickness, mental breakdowns, frequent anxiety and nervousness, nightmares and night terrors, strange spiritual phenomenon, etc.), there is something within that is contributing to these cycles. There is some kind of hidden emotional and spiritual root system that will keep bearing fruit until it is unearthed and uprooted through the truth of God’s Word and by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Some refuse to believe that Christians would ever need inner healing or deliverance ministry because this was all taken care of through the finished work of Jesus. They propose a philosophy like this: We don’t need to look at our past or what is wrong with us all the time. We don’t need counselors or counseling. We only need to look to the cross. Stepping into personal freedom, however, is not that simple for most Christians. Denial of your problems does not heal you, and what you do not deal with will eventually deal with you. Real freedom in Christ involves the process of facing reality and overcoming it with the truth of God’s Word. I do agree that there are excesses among the ranks of inner healing and deliverance ministers that need to be addressed and avoided. For example, not every single problem is a demon needing to be cast out. I also believe the finished work of the cross makes the process and journey of inner healing and deliverance ministry effective. Jesus said, “And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free” (John 8:32). Whenever we believe a lie, then we have aligned that part of our life with Satan, who is the father of lies. That part of our life cannot reflect the blessing of God until we make an exchange with God’s truth, an exchange that always brings freedom. Too often, we do not know the lies that we believe. We might not even remember the circumstances that birthed those lies in the first place—that is until the Holy Spirit reveals them.
My missing past began to unfold like an angry river of successive memories. I was so unraveled in response that I had to get help. This was not something I could walk through without the guidance and accountability of experienced ministers and professional counselors. The emotional and spiritual aftermath caused me to wrestle hard with the question, Can someone like me be healed? Just like the prophet Elijah, I have felt completely alone in my struggle. I simply did not know anyone else who had made it out this far, and I still do not. What happened to me is not something you want to talk about. Ever. And yet I am compelled to tell you my story and provide as many road-tested keys and truths as I can to help you heal, no matter what you are working through. My book, the Inner Healing and Deliverance Handbook, is not as much of a method to heal as it is a journey with Jesus the Healer. That is how you walk out and heal from brokenness on this level or any level for that matter. You have to equip yourself with His truth, and then let the Holy Spirit lead you into victory.
Pray this prayer with me:
Holy Spirit, I give you my yes. I want to be made whole, but I am scared and I feel weak. Help me to see past my issues and look to the many rewards ahead. Give me solid reasons to finish my healing journey and never quit. Take the lead, Holy Spirit, and anoint me for inner healing and deliverance. Let every yoke be broken and enable me to help others break yokes, too. Amen.
Biography: Jennifer Eivaz is a minister and international conference speaker with a heart to equip the church with the supernatural and for raising passionate and effective prayer. She is a regular contributor to Charisma Online and The Elijah List, has been featured on several Christian television shows, hosts the popular podcast Take Ten With Jenn, and authored several bestselling books. Jennifer and her husband, Ron, co-pastor of Harvest Church now meeting in three locations – two campuses in Turlock, California, and one campus in Ripon, California – in addition to hosting a thriving online campus. They also have two wonderful children
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